Get That Should Away From ME!

It seems every place I look, I see a should!

I "should" mop the floor. I "should" organize my junk room. I "should" eat better. I "should" ____ fill in the blank. Anything would fit and today I was up to my neck in shoulds; at home and work, internal, external.

Finally I decided, I "should" give myself a break. Never intended on referring to my age, gender or anything else personal on this site. That plan was left in the dust many blogs ago. I discovered if someone is going to tell a story, it's impossible to keep it impersonal. Nice try though.

If you grew up anything like me, we were all "shoulded to death" by family and friends. You should wear your hair up, you should go to church more, you should use more salt when you cook, you should have chosen better when you got married!

That leads me to where my head is right now. My Ozark grandmother, who lived to almost 100 years old, never really understood the power she over me with her opinions. It wasn't just the boys in my family that were told, "Shake it off and keep going." My grandmother was a shining example of never giving up, keep moving forward, don't whine about what you don't have and find the gratitude for the life I made for myself.

Because of her, I am able to make some pretty happy decisions despite what seem like overwhelming challenges. I "should" be divorced right now. I am not. I "should" be focused on my own back nine at my age, instead, I chose to raise my grandson rather than leave him with a drug addicted mom or end up in the State's care. This story is on my other blog and too heavy for this one.

I "should" be retired and had I not taken in grandkids, made many trips to the Ozarks to see family, even when my family told me I wasn't welcomed, I would have a bank load of cash that went into a gas tank, into lodging and food on the road. I still drove the 12 hours so my grandkids would know each other. Since I wasn't welcomed at any family home, I stayed in local resorts, actually roach infested cabins. I made the best of what was not the greatest time. I also, over the years, took in "strays" of all ages (I mean friends of my kids and husband) to help support them when they had no one else at the time. They would stay anywhere from a few months to a few years.

Had I focused only on myself, I could have put that extra money aside and would be happily living on the Gulf coast with several IRA's paying for my icy cold longneck as I became a parot head wannabe watching beach vollyball games. Today, I decided to toot my own horn instead of beating myself up, In my life in general, I felt like I have had a lot of blessings. I chose share those blessings, to help others and believe they would be better for the help they received. I certainly feel no regret that I went into debt and lived hand to mouth so others would have a warm bed and a hot meal. I did my best to try to follow my grandmother's lessons, family is first and we can choose our family. I did my best to help keep my own family connected when it was actually pretty shattered.

Tonight, I won't "should" myself into washing dishes, doing laundry or even watching what I eat. Tonight I plan to "reload my spirit", ignore dirty dishes, dirty laundry, and clutter from a 10 year old who is with his daddy this weekend. I plan to get off that pity pot I have walking toward and instead have ice cream for dinner while I watch a trashy movie that must be in the 1000+ channels on my TV. Tonight I won't fight with myself. I will enjoy my own company along with Mr. Ben and Mr. Jerry.

Minis, Bugs and Fiat's....Am I still In Texas??

I admit it, I am a transplant. To make sure I keep my Hillbilly roots, I write them down or pass along in spoken word to others but I actually moved to Texas.

Have you looked at the job market in Arkansas? I went where I could work so here I am, having switched from pork to beef. (An obscure reference to Arkansas Razorbacks and Texas Longhorns)

What I noticed on my long drive home (actually I only live 4 miles from downtown Austin) was that there was an absence of pick up trucks. I have gotten to where I was used to dodging the long bed, short bed, restored, double cab, heavy duty, super duty, four wheels, six wheel wide bed, every make and model of pick up truck in the world as I try to remain invisible to these little car crushers on my way to way home.

What I saw were very many-Mini Coopers, Fiats of all colors but only one shape, as is standard with all three of these toy make believe cars. There were even convertable Fiats and these look smaller than the Mini Cooper, Mini gives a hint that your but is 2 inches from the street and feet almost to the front bumper! How in the world did they make them into convertables with no a hood smaller than my kitchen counter? What I have to admit that I liked the most was the creative colors for all these cars, well not the Fiats, they need to step it up on color. There were Mini's with strips, designs and just plain blue that could hurt your teeth (yeah, Hillbilly expression). The Beetles were in colors from blinding yellow to familiar rust that ate through the metal to make you question if these were bullet holes or acutally time had taken a few bites, leaving only a hint of the color it used to be.

The pick up truck isn't dying in Texas. There were still pleanty of the monsters pushing these little cars around but I wonder if a HEMI can be taken down by a swarm of Mini's?? Maybe I will get to witness this in my lifetime.

Things I Learned from Day Time TV

I put my time to good use while on Family Medical Leave by getting educated in what programers believe daytime TV viewers need to know and by companies that are willing to pay for TV time let us viewers know what we are missing (we being John and Jane Q public).

If you had a fall in the last year (who hasn't?) you meet one of 5 qualifications for an electronic scooter to get around your home and become more involved with outdoor's activities. I would like one for the beach please.

My knives suck. I must have the ones that can cut cans. Although, for the life of me, I can't recall every having to cut a can to make a meal??

I learned I need to be on many more medications than I am right now, the symptoms I need to give my doctor to assure I will get these medications and oh my goodness, how did I survive without them?

My blender sucks. There are amazing blenders that replace 6 kitchen tools I don't even own, of course I don't cook either. I microwave.

With one call, I can change my life!! So many ways but the best one was not the amazing non stick pans, it was to get a degree with a guarantee of a job after graduation. They said so, it must be true. I can do this in my spare time on line, in my PJ's and bunny slippers, cool. I decided I want to be either a brain surgeon or a blacksmith. You are all invited to my graduation, maybe I will do both, they are so afordable.

I am not prepared to retire, ever, unless I follow some easy steps. All the numbers are toll free, what a relief.

I have every number, every agency, every person I need to talk to about preparing for retirement or pre planning my funeral! Well, I am on the "back nine". I learned so much about Medicare and it isn't as caring as it sounds. WE all need additional insurance to make sure we don't go right to the funeral part. So many gadgets to have at home it would almost pass standards for a hospital itself, cool......

Best of all.... I can get a cure for all of my additions, there are many but ice cream being the worse, without that pesky 12 step program. This can be done on a white sand beach in a spa like setting and there is almost a guarantee on cure. Awsome, although I'd miss my ice cream.